He's gonna be a soccer player and so is she.....

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Attitude adjustment needed ASAP.

So I have been in LA for over 2 1/2 years now and still don't feel like I'm settling in. I mean moving has NEVER been hard for me, it has always been easy for me to make the adjustment. I think this is because up until I was 10 the longest we'd lived anywhere was about 16 months. So I was used to moving and having to make new friends, it was NEVER difficult for me. I've always been outgoing and friendly. Sure sometimes I still felt alone, but I always knew I had good close friends that had my back, no matter what. Until now. This has been the hardest move I've ever made, LA is a different kind of town with a different kind of people. About 6 weeks ago I about had a nervous break down to Greg about how I AM NOT LIVING HERE FOREVER. But I know and realize that in the mean time I need a serous attitude adjustment. Which I am willing to work on, or was....... I feel like I have tried to make friends since I've been out here, seriously I really feel like I've tried. What I think is more likely is that I've become a babysitter and in turn have babysitters for my baby too (not that I mind babysitting). It is so hard to be so far from family and friends who have meant so much to me in my life. I feel like Church is my only place to make friends and there are some great people in our ward, but lately to me it has really felt like a club. I don't want to fit into it. It seriously feels like high school all over, with all the cliques and back biting. I never really felt like this about church until I moved to UT. The church is not like that out in the mid-west. I think, as far as my memory serves me right we were all friends. We didn't all live around each other, as the ward boundaries are HUGE, but I really only remember one girl causing trouble in the ward. I've heard some horror stories about church in UT, AZ, ID and CA I think, from what I hear it is just like high school. HOW SAD. I'm just glad that I don't have to feel accepted to continue going to church. Young girls do, and I think it is sad when you can't even be accepted at church. The one place you should feel safe................... OK sorry this has gone WAY off subject. Basically I feel like I'm done trying. I've got Greg and that is and should be all that matters. Who need friends anyway right? BOO HISS. This has been my attitude for like the last week and I can't shake it. help.